The Most Basic Element in Building a Family and How to Get it.

When I was younger, Ike and Tina Turner recorded a song called R-e-s-p-e-c-t. In that song Tina Turner sings "give it to me, give it to me, give it to me". Although not a huge Tina Turner fan, she makes a point, everybody wants to be respected. Even young children who are not mature enough to understand it want it. Husbands want it from their wives and vice-versa. What many people don't realize is that children want to be respected and they need to be taught to respect others. Talking about respecting your children may sound confusing. What have they done you might think to deserve my respect? Our society teaches us to respect achievements and achievers. Think about all the morally reprehensible sports and political figures that garner all kinds of respect based solely on athletic prowess or charisma. Most people don't understand what respect is all about, yet it is the foundation to the house in regards to building a happy home.

Children must be given respect before they earn it and children must learn to respect their parents before they can understand whether you have earned it or not. You may ask why is it important to respect your children and how do you do it?

Respect is important to children because it communicates that you value them. It is not the only way of communicating that you value them but in my opinion it is the best way. Acting in a respectful manner toward your children creates a framework for communicating everything else. You might say that you show your children that you value them every day by the things you do for them or even that you tell your children that you love them. If you feel that way, consider that someone may love a dog, but most people never speak of respecting their dog( well maybe a few). You can love someone for many reasons, but that doesn't mean that you communicate their value to them or even feel it yourself. Respect tells the child that they have intrinsic value outside the bounds of familial obligation. Believe me, if a child does not feel respected, they will become angry and resentful.

So how do you demonstrate respect to your children and teach them how to do it.

The first is manners. It is strange to me that many parents have better manners toward a total stranger off the street than to there own family members. Also many in our society today have no idea why manners are important and therefore don't expect their children to have good manners or even know how to define what good manners are. Most people would say that having good manners are things like being nice to people and chewing with your mouth closed. Those are great things but neither of those things define a style or method of communication which is what is important. When I speak about manners I am referring to the things we say and do as it relates to our display of deference to one another. For example, in our home we never enter on of our child's rooms without knocking. This shows that we respect their need for privacy. Just like I wouldn't come to your house and walk in without knocking, neither will I enter my kids room without that same courtesy. It is a basic emotion to want to control who is in our personal space and invasions without warning into our personal space are severe displays of disrespect. I will write more about this in my next post.